Monday, May 4, 2009

Hard Times



Facing Tough Times

With the blessing of a beautiful baby in my life also comes a lot of heart ache. When my darling little Sophie was just two weeks old, my husband informed me that he was no longer in love with me and that he was extremely unhappy and that he felt nothing for Sophie when she was born. Never in a million years did I think this could happen. I thought the good times and love was still going on, but he has made his choice to walk away. I am heart broken, surprised, humiliated and afraid, but every time I look at my little girl I remember that I have to be strong. She deserves to have a happy mommy and she is now depending on me, so I don't have time to feel bad, to wallow in grief or to have the break down I deserve. I am a mom. I am filled with hope for our future, she is the greatest joy in my life and I know that together we will find happiness. As for Brandon, I hope he finds what he is looking for, although I think he is giving away the best things in his life and the only things that lead to true joy and happiness. To sweet Adrianne, you have the kindest and most giving heart and I am so sad that we won't be sisters anymore! I am so lucky to have so many supportive friends and family members that have rallied around to help. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I am determined that Sophie will feel only love and joy and never know what happened when she came home to a once loving home, now destroyed. It is just the two of us, and although I don't know what we are going to do, I know we will be just fine.

35 comments:

k said...

Ashley, I'm so sorry. You sound strong and determined and that is all you can do. You will get through this. -Kendahl

Jessica said...

Oh Ashley...... it is in time of grief and heartache when words do not go very well with this women.
I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and that post was very kind and thoughtful. You are right - YOU are going to be strong because the love that a mom has for her babies will never be destroyed.
You have a beautiful beautiful baby girl and the opportunity that Heavenly Father gave you to raise this sweet sweet spirit is so precious.

Rowley's said...

Ashley, my hearts aching for you. You're such a strong women and I've always looked up to you! Your sweet Sophie has the greatest mom and she is so lucky to have you. I have you in my prayers and I have faith that trials happen for a reason. They suck... but unfortunately they happen. I'm sorry Brandon couldn't see just how lucky he was.
I'll be thinking of you!

Tiff and Dave said...

Oh my sweet Ash! I was hoping this was a joke when I started reading! My heart is just aching for you and I am sooo sorry! Thankfully sweet Sophie is so young and doesn't know what is going on. I wish I was there to give you a big hug! Sounds like you are being a lot stronger than I would be. You are such a great person and I love you!

The Girls' Mom said...

Ashley,
I'm sorry things are so hard right now but I agree that you two will be great once the shock wears off. I am here for you no matter what you need, I ready and willing to have a chance to repay you for all the help that you have been to me, there are many times you've kept me going. You are fabulous and don't forget it!

Sheen said...

i wish i knew what to say.

i know you'll be an amazing mother to sophie! you are a tough woman and i admire your optimism and strength.

i know that heavenly father is watching over you and your sweet sweet babe.

Carie Beard said...

First of all, Sophie is the luckies little girl to have such a strong mother. She is adorable and will bring you the greatest joy! I have always thought of you as strong and independent now it just proves it even more. If you ever need anything we and all the other people that love you will be there. Take care have fun with your beautiful daughter!

Carie

Lori Harris said...

Ashley,I am so sorry. You are never alone, I hope that you know that. Stay strong. You have the support of your family and many friends. Your baby is a gift from God and came at a wonderful time in your life. :)

Anonymous said...

Ashley...I am still in shock after reading this. I know that you are very optimistic, and a strong girl...you will be watched over. I can tell you that being a mother is so rewarding, you and Sophie will do just fine. love you.

Anonymous said...

Ashley,
Hi. I am not sure if you remember me. We went to high school together. My last name was Metoyer then. Anyway I have been checking out your blog for awhile to see when you had that precious baby girl. I was so heartbroken for you when I read this post. I too was hoping it was a joke. I just want you to know that even though we don't know each other to well and I live far away from you if there is anything I can ever do for you please let me know. Seriously anything. You are in my prayers, be strong. My email is sharon_morton@hotmail.com

Jewels said...

I am so sorry! You are such a strong woman, and will be a wonderful mother. You have an amazing family that can help you through this. That post was so respectful, and really shows your strength! Let me know if you need anything!

paula said...

Ashley-this breaks my heart :(

The Odd Couple said...

Ashley- I'm so sorry and heartbroken with you. It has been consuming my thoughts all day. I am sure it is so difficult but no matter what I still love you. You are strong and in my prayers. We love you sooo much.

Taryn said...

this can't be true! who would leave such beautiful sweet girls!

I will be thinking of you and sophie, and praying that Brandon will come to his senses!

Adam & Kenzie said...

Hey Ash, we are so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please let us know if we can do anything to help.

---Kenz, Brit, & Mand

Brandi said...

Ashley,I have not talked to you in years but Jessica called me yesterday just heartbroken for you. I didn't even know that you had a blog or I would have contacted you a whole lot sooner. My heart is broken for you. Words can not express the emotion that I feel for you. It is so sad that after experiencing the amazing, miracle of having a Child of God that Brandon couldn't see the joy in all of that. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Just know that you are a strong woman. You always have been. I know that it is a little cleashay (sp) but trials do happen for a reason, and Heavenly Father will not let you do this all on your own. Be Strong for little Sophie-She is a beautiful blessing in all of the heartache you are facing. I know that we have lost contact but if you EVER need anything at all (although I know that you have a great deal of support) please don't hesitate to contact me. My email address is jbbridgepark@yahoo.com. Ashley Im so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck with Sophie she is aboslutely beautiful.

audra garrett said...

Ashley, I'm so, so, sorry. I'm so sad for you, but at the same time, so happy that you have a sweet little girl to help you through this hard time. You're awesome and you deserve better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lisa said...

Oh Ashley - I am so sorry about all that has been going on. You will make it through. It sounds like you are getting lots of support and love right now and I just want to send mine your way as well. Your daughter is beautiful and lucky to have such a strong mother who loves her dearly. My prayers and thoughts are with you guys!

Denise and Brandon said...

My heart is broken in two. I'm so sorry that this has happened. Take care of that sweet angel of yours. She'll take care of you too.

The Wright Family said...

Ashley, I am stunned! You and little Sophie are BEAUTIFUL and strong and BEAUTIFUL and loved!! Hang in there and just love each other! If you're ever down south I'd love to go to lunch or something!

Krystal said...

Ashley-
First let my say.. oh my gosh is he crazy!! You are one of the most fun outgoing beautiful girls I have ever met.. Brandon must be crazy! I am so sorry :(
Sophie is a beauty.. She is so lucky to have you for her mommy!! You are in my thoughts and prayers..
-love
Krystal

BarbaraJo said...

Wow. Ashley. You do not need to be going through this. Especially while you are trying to heal and recover from child birth. You are amazingly strong and blessed to have such wonderful parents. Your support system is amazing and I want you to know that I am praying for you and Sophie. You are a beautiful momma. Better things will come your way and you will be watch over. Love you.

Beth said...

Wow, Ashley!!! I am so sorry. In the face of trials we find clarity sometimes, it seems like you have found that with you sweet little girl. Hang in there, don't be afraid to ask for help or if you just need someone to be there for you. You have already embraced the selflessness that is encompassed in being a mom, let the love you have for your sweet baby girl hold you up in your times of darkness. I'll be praying for you.

leslie said...

ash I don't really know what to say but be strong, love that little girl with everything you got, she is so lucky to have an amazing person like you for a mother. you'll get through. love you!

Amber said...

Ashley, (I also have been following your blog)I wish that I had the magic words to make this all go away and to make you feel better! I came upon this and my heart broke into a million pieces for you. This post just shows how strong and amazing you are. You have a beautiful little girl and you deserve nothing short of the best and I know that you will find it! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Paul and Aubrey Young said...

Ashley, I am very sorry to hear that your going through this hard time. I want you to know, that I know that your Heavenly Father Loves you and that little girl, He will be there for you when you need him, he has felt your pain. I pray that you will stay strong!

taggdarci said...

Hey Ashley! Not sure if you remember me, but I came across your blog. We used to dance on Jubliee together. (Darci & Courtney Murri) Anyway, I am so sorry that you are going thru this right now. I can't imagine! Your post was so touching, you are one strong woman! Like everyone has said, Sophie is very lucky to have you. You both will be in our prayers!

The Smiths said...

This makes me sad, let us know if you need anything. The kids are always willing to walk Presley if you need them. My prayers are with you and baby Sophie as you weather this storm.

Gloria said...

Ashley! I am so sorry!! I wish I could find the right words-your little Sophie is so beautiful. I will be thinking of you two :)

Tiffany said...

Ashley,
I have no words to express how sorry I am for you and little Sophie. My heart is broken for you. Please know I'll do anything to help. I can help watch Sophie if you ever need. You are amazing and you'll make it through. You're in all our prayers.
Love Tiffany

Kris and Collette Scott said...

Ashley,
I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through. You are such a strong person and I have always looked up to you. Your little girl is so adorable and I know you are an awesome mom and will make it through anything life brings to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Diana said...

Ashley, we love you very much and feel so awful about what has happened. We found out today and are just devastated. We hope you feel the love of your family and their support during this difficult time. I hope it's okay if I check your blog once in awhile to see how you're doing. You're so beautiful and we are crazy about that darling new baby girl of yours. Much love to you.

Kira Blaser said...

Ashley, I am so sorry for you and Sophie...and for Brandon, who will someday know what he has lost. I'm so glad you have such a good family for support in this sad time. It should be the best time for all of you with your darling baby! We wish all the best to you.

Missy said...

Ashley-
This is Missy, that used to dance with you LONG time ago...I am SO sorry! I have looked at your blog a few times and I couldn't believe what I just read?!! THat makes me so sad for you and Sophie! I live in Rexburg so if you come up and need ANYTHING please email me! missypocock@ida.net. Stay strong. God will bless you and you will be fine!! Good Luck and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Robert said...

Ashley,
I feel like I should say something to you, to encourage, uplift.
I can relate very much to what you have experienced in the last little while. I was Married to Brandon's cousin Angela for about 5 years and was given much the same "I don't love you anymore" kind of a thing.
I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation, and I admire your strength and your commitment to being there for your daughter.
Lean on your Heavenly Father, and all the great friends and family who are there to support you.
Robert Philips