Joys/Hardships

Some of the joys in my life!


Bonding with baby Sophie. Holding my baby, feeding her or rocking her all hours of the day and night. Nothing could be so wonderful as holding that precious little girl.Seeing Sophie with my mom!

Seeing Sophie notice the world! She is starting to coo and discover her voice, her eyes are more alert and she is awake for more hours of the day. It is amazing to watch her develop and grow.

The possibility of moving closer to family. Although I am not in an ideal situation, I need to make the best of it for Sophie. I need to be strong and positive. If we move closer to my family, I will have some much needed support and Sophie will have a lot of loving cousins to grow up with.

Things that are still hard.
I miss Monday nights with my husband, we would always have a fun dinner and watch 24. I miss having someone there at night, when I hear a sound or had a bad dream, I could reach over and he would be next to me. I miss having my phone call person, someone to call throughout the day to tell my stories to or for no good reason at all.

May 14th is my four year wedding anniversary. I think it will be a hard day. How do you stop loving someone? I am trying to figure that out. Each day gets a little better, I have breakdowns and bad moments, but all the joys with Sophie get me through to the next day. My family has been wonderful, I do not know what I would do without my mom and dad. So here is to four years that did not end as I had dreamed, but they gave me the most beautiful gift and the greatest joy in the world, Sophie!

Hard Times

Facing Tough Times

With the blessing of a beautiful baby in my life also comes a lot of heart ache. When my darling little Sophie was just two weeks old, my husband informed me that he was no longer in love with me and that he was extremely unhappy and that he felt nothing for Sophie when she was born. Never in a million years did I think this could happen. I thought the good times and love was still going on, but he has made his choice to walk away. I am heart broken, surprised, humiliated and afraid, but every time I look at my little girl I remember that I have to be strong. She deserves to have a happy mommy and she is now depending on me, so I don't have time to feel bad, to wallow in grief or to have the break down I deserve. I am a mom. I am filled with hope for our future, she is the greatest joy in my life and I know that together we will find happiness. As for Brandon, I hope he finds what he is looking for, although I think he is giving away the best things in his life and the only things that lead to true joy and happiness. To sweet Adrianne, you have the kindest and most giving heart and I am so sad that we won't be sisters anymore! I am so lucky to have so many supportive friends and family members that have rallied around to help. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I am determined that Sophie will feel only love and joy and never know what happened when she came home to a once loving home, now destroyed. It is just the two of us, and although I don't know what we are going to do, I know we will be just fine.